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一教授出國開會，開完會準備回國
前感慨于國外的美麗夜景，
登機前，給博士老婆發條短信：
「I've had a really
wonderful night, and I
wish so much you were here.」

結果，
最後的一個「e」給漏掉了......
到家後，老婆至今失聯中。

點評：e失足成千古恨....

[ 本文章最後由 kuenjchen 於 2016-08-11 07:31 編輯 ]

4715

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said,
"Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

3328工兵官 請問您打電話過去 結果如何
學生打工時，白女人邀偶去她家約會，不敢去，怕槍！

[ 本文章最後由 kuenjchen 於 2016-08-11 09:02 編輯 ]

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在美國看過最給力的T恤衫穿在男生身上
Sex instructor, first lesson free!

3328工兵官 如果考試及格的話 第2節課以後我出錢
第一堂招待免費，第二堂以後學生要出錢!工兵官急著出錢就不是性大師沒上乘功夫！

註：上樓 紐約兩大火車站叫Penn station 和 Grand central station

[ 本文章最後由 kuenjchen 於 2016-08-11 11:53 編輯 ]

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Hiliary Clinton decided to send Donald Trump a letter
to let him know how she felt about him. Trump opened
the letter and it appeared to contain a single line
coded message:

370HSSV 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Vanessa Trump
and his children. Vanessa Trump and the children had
no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one
could solve it at FBI, CIA or NASA.

They eventually asked Britain's MI6 for help. Within minutes,
MI6 cabled this reply: "Tell Mr Trump that he is holding
the message upside down.".




希拉蕊科林頓決定要送川普ㄧ封信要讓他知道她對他的感覺！
川普開了這封信，看起來只有一行密碼：

370HSSV 0773H

川普很困惑就問他的女兒和他的孩子，女兒和孩子們也不懂，
只好把信送給FBI. FBI, CIA, NASA也沒人能解。

最後只有要求英國的MI6 幫忙，幾分鐘後，MI6回覆：告訴川普
先生他把信拿反了！
.
.
HELLO ASSHOLE

[ 本文章最後由 kuenjchen 於 2016-08-13 11:44 編輯 ]

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There're two types of people
in this world I hate:
Those who're racists and
the black people!



這世上有兩種人我痛恨：
種族主義者和黑人！


註：這笑話說他恨種族主義者，可是他自己恨黑人，也是種族主義者，強調矛盾之處好笑!
     這是吳宗憲講的笑話，偶只是翻譯ㄧ下。在美國有些亞洲人討厭白人歧視別的人種
     可是往往自己也歧視黑人！

[ 本文章最後由 kuenjchen 於 2016-08-13 12:24 編輯 ]

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引用:

原文由 Guest from 98.158.117.x 於 2016-08-16 06:29 發表
>>>川普很困惑就問他的女兒和他的孩子，女兒和孩子們也不懂，
>>>只好把信送給FBI. FBI, CIA, NASA也沒人能解。

NSA - What the #$%^&@% ?   This poster here is in deep troubles and all your communic ...

這位同志提的問題非常好！

NSA   National Security Agency 國家安全局
NASA  National Aeronautics and Space Administration 太空總署

原作者大慨曉得國家安全局會嚴密監視，所以不敢開該局玩笑
反正太空總署也會從太空收到一些亂碼，他們也很會解碼！
經您一提已經引起國家安全局的注意，該不會您就在那兒上班吧？

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Your left brain has nothing right. Your right brain has nothing left.

你的左腦沒東西是對的，你的右腦沒東西（剰下）了！

[ 本文章最後由 kuenjchen 於 2016-08-21 05:11 編輯 ]

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Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?
A: Senator.





律師變壞當參議員，怕還會入主白宮呢！

[ 本文章最後由 kuenjchen 於 2016-09-23 22:12 編輯 ]

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In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth...
After that, everything else was made in China.




悲哀，早期都是台灣製！

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If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?
.
.
.
.
.
搞了半天，國會竟是進步的相反詞－退步！

[ 本文章最後由 kuenjchen 於 2016-10-08 01:55 編輯 ]

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A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”






男孩被女孩比下去了！男孩只有一條，女孩要多少條都有！

龍友  男孩一條就可打天下。
打天下洞！
3328工兵官 還是老媽有經驗 看多了
[看]多了

[ 本文章最後由 kuenjchen 於 2016-10-15 03:58 編輯 ]

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A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?" "Yeah!" "Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?" Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!" The younger brother says, "Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!"





弟弟說：不要做三明治了！你（們）把美奶滋弄了我滿床！

[ 本文章最後由 kuenjchen 於 2016-10-22 23:59 編輯 ]

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引用:

原文由 Alona 於 2016-12-05 08:58 發表
烏狗偷食 白狗有罪〈大狗偷食 小狗有罪〉

說這句就很感嘆；世間事 啥事都有頂替的人，糟糕窩囊的是有嘴不能說，自己吞了。

舉個例子：宦海浮沉，長官利用權術攏絡，欠了人情就被綁住了；人情無非器重升官任職， ...

Little Dog Blames the Other One For Pooping in the Kitchen
當主人質問時，小狗怪罪別隻狗在廚房拉屎！

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI-xURK_JaA

[ 本文章最後由 kuenjchen 於 2016-12-07 05:40 編輯 ]

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Please execute my son's absence!
請處決我兒子的缺席，老師收到這假條會嚇一跳！

新移民的父母又鬧了一次笑話！

Please excuse my son's absence!
原諒不是處決！

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引用:

原文由 Guest from 24.212.195.x 於 2017-01-16 03:09 發表
Lighthouse and naval vessel urban legend

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Li ... vessel_urban_legend

This is the transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.
                Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a Collision.
                Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
                Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
                Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
                Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
               Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.[2]
...

在海上兩船對面迎來，通常小船要改變航向，美國航母林肯號艦長
自我介紹是大西洋艦隊第二大艦，要對方改向讓道!不料加拿大對方回
這是燈塔！

另一個笑話
Mayday we are sinking - What are you thinking about ?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLSdOY-6R_U

[ 本文章最後由 kuenjchen 於 2017-01-16 07:43 編輯 ]